Stop auditioning for a life you’re already qualified for.

I know this place, because I lived it.

The relationship I’d been in for twelve years was over, my son had just turned six, and the last time I’d been single, dating apps didn’t even exist. Suddenly I was thrown into a world of swiping, ghosting and “u up?” texts at midnight, wondering whether dating was even possible in your thirties with a kid in tow. Something underneath it all didn’t feel right, and I put it down to adjusting to being single again. In reality, I was already fighting for my life, and I didn’t even know it yet.

What came next was cancer, intensive care and a recovery that took everything I had, and then, just as I was finding my feet again, the whole world went into lockdown.

So I got fierce about it. Ten gratitudes every morning, naps whenever I needed them with zero guilt attached, and any bad thought that dared show up got told to sit down and shut up. For the first time in my life I wasn’t just collecting self-help tools, I was actually using them.

Then I found a little online group of single women, about twenty-five of us from all corners of the world, and figured if we were going to live through a bloody plague, we might as well do it together. I started posting daily encouragement and sharing the exact tools that had pulled me through, and one woman told me my voice was so calming it helped her fall asleep. Either that, or I’d accidentally bored her unconscious. Either way, a win’s a win. A few weeks in, it finally hit me that I’d been coaching these women for months without realising.

Everyone had an opinion on what I needed next, and it usually involved finding someone, settling down and getting some stability. I chose to stay consciously single instead, because after everything I’d been through I needed time to heal and rebuild my foundations properly, without anyone else’s voice in my ear telling me what my life should look like. So I built my own stability, and it holds up a hell of a lot better than the borrowed kind ever did.

That’s what I help women do now. It’s why I coach, it’s why I wrote the book, and it’s why I’ll never tell you a relationship is the thing that’s going to fix you.

“Each time I have a conversation with Starla I deepen my faith in my own journey… In the gentlest way possible she allows me to see where I stand in my own way and offers inspiring ideas to help me move forward. Starla can hold strong space for you to grow, and you can be assured that her approach comes from true life experience and daily practice.”

Eugena, UK